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The Color of 34.

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Jenna S / Unsplash

Jenna S / Unsplash

 

Today. I am.

May the grace of God and the comfort of God’s brilliance…guide your heart, mind, body and soul…now and forevermore…world without end.

 

Amen.

 

The room was devoid of all color. I was exhausted. I had no defenses. Fear crawled up my spine. Deep anxiety trickled back down. Hell! Hell! Hell! I could feel the fire. Sweat poured out of my soul. I was lower than whale shit. In fact, I was ushered into hell. At the end of the lesson, Jesus finally came up. I’d almost forgot who Jesus was. This lesson was about hell not Jesus. When the invitation came, I accepted Jesus for the millioneth time. It was an every head bowed and every eye closed kind of moment. As I was walking out of the door and my teacher winked at me. I assumed it was about me raising my hand to accept Jesus…but I’ve long wondered. Walking across the parking lot, I saw the beautifully bright sun. I didn’t know if it was heaven or hell…I just knew that it was something. The fire followed me. Church was full. God was absent. God was in every song. God was in every prayer. God was all over the sermon. God was so absent. The fire was out. Then, I looked to the windows. Colors invaded hell. God did too. The colors can save us.

 

People are colors and colors are people. Descending from God, they meet us in holy spaces. I remember the colors that talked to me when nobody else would. I remember the brilliant explosion of colors that accompanied my friends coming out to me. I remember the colors of courage that taught me how to fight. I remember the lunchroom. I remember the desk. I remember the party. I remember the office. I remember the walks. I remember the trip. I remember the book. I remember you. I remember the march. I remember the speech. I remember the cry. I remember the fight. I remember the rage. I remember. I remember. Oh God, I remember. I was baptized in the colors. I am baptized in the colors. I am the colors and the colors are me.

 

I run faster. I run faster and faster. I run faster and faster and faster. I run. Meeting all of the colors that are here. I press on toward the colors that are ahead. The colors. I feel them. I know them. They speak to me from the past. They accompany me now. They call to me from the future. The colors are salvation. Every head bowed and every eye closed. Do you believe that the colors love you? Do you believe that the colors died for your sins? Do you believe that the colors rose again so that you might have colors eternal? With every head bowed and every eye closed…if you want to accept those colors, please raise your hand. I did and my life has never been the same. The colors walk with me and talk with me…and tell me that I am their own. The colors. The colors saved me. The colors will be.

 

The bridge was long. Though I’d crossed over it many times, I had never seen the sun drop like this. My feet were tired. I had my doubts. I had miles and miles to go. Still in that moment, I was there…I was whole. Everything was there. Everything was ahead. As the inched further into the water, I heard a still small voice whisper, “The colors will lead you home.”

May the grace of the colors and the comfort of their brilliance…guide your heart, mind, body and soul…now and forevermore…world without end.

 

Amen.

 

Today. I am 34.

 

Amen.

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