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The Mentally Ill of Zimbabwe

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  After three days traveling, I was not in the best mental health. Between the mania and depression, I was struggling to figure out how to make it the rest of the trip. Then, a phrase gave me more clarity about where I was.   “Don’t tell anyone you’re mentally ill.” There are few phrases […]

Shame & Suicide: The Scandal of Southern Baptist Theology

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  “He’s not in heaven…and you won’t be either if you kill yourself.” I will never forget the cruelness of the language. The suicide rocked our Southern Baptist church. We descended deeper into judgment…the only fuel of fundamentalism. Secretly, I think most people thought shame was the antidote for suicide. I was ten. Even then, […]

A Land of Nightmares

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    Nightmares follow me or maybe I follow them. I was tossing and turning in a foreign bed. The road is often unkind to me. Event after event leaves me weary. I saw Emily torn to shreds by the bullets of the police. I knew the consequences of standing with Jesus. How did this […]

The Existential Crisis of Birth: Waiting in the Midst of Doubt

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Depression stalks me before every birth. The existential questions taunt me over and over again. Why are we here? Do we matter? Where are we going? Death becomes a trusted friend. For I know, there will be a day when I don’t have to deal with these questions anymore. While I still take the pills, […]

“time” and “belief” / 2 poems

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“time” depression nibbles the dogs ran away i am haunted by the attack blood was all they wanted the problem was it was mine what do you do the only way to be in relationship is to bleed how do you survive how do you know when will things go back up i guess you […]

The Night I Almost Took My Life

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The year was 2008.  The spring semester at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary was coming to a close.  I sat alone in my room staring at my closet.  The depression was overwhelming and I didn’t know if I could take it anymore.  I tried to get help.  Professor after professor told me that my severe depression […]

apoem: beloved & the next day

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depression is setting in is it a result of my sin i am growing in rage perhaps due to my age you call then hang up just call me i will pick up why such a difficult cup to drink the world is awful i think speak now is it you but how you are […]

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