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Falling Fastly / A Mother’s Day Ode to Emily

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The First of Five

 

I never thought we would fall like this. Who would have dreamed it? When we met, love was all I could see in your eyes and I fell faster than I imagined possible. Falling is scary. Though it felt so out of control, I just kept returning to you. Remember when we talked about having a big family? We got so much more than we could have ever bargained for. When we found out about the first set of twins, the absurdity of your laughter pulverized my fear. I knew that your joy would carry us through. Though my anxiety was through the roof, you calmly delivered Jeff and Phillip. The radiance of your face was breathtaking. You loved them both so much. Unable to take my eyes off of you, I fell faster and faster.

 

I had no idea what to do with two babies. You always seemed to lead the way. Throughout those difficult months, we worked together and we made it. I pushed into you and together we pushed into the future. Surprise! Who would have thought that you would get pregnant again so fast? I didn’t even feel like we had sex that much. When you told me that you wanted to have the baby in our living room, I thought you were nuts. Pushing aside all of my fears, you made it happen. I never thought a birthing tub could be so warm and inviting. It was such a privilege to hold you in that water as Quinley came. When you kissed him for the first time, I will never forget the way you lingered there with tears coming down your face. With each passing second, I fell faster and faster.

 

Three babies was tough. Pushing into each other, we just kept going. When it happened, we knew we got hit by lightening. Two sets of twins? How in the hell did this happen? Condoms are liars. We didn’t spend much time thinking about it. We just did it. I talk when I am nervous. You told me to stop talking over and over again. You squeezed my hand and beautiful Lucas came. We kissed his cheeks together. Then, I kissed you. You got weaker and weaker. The blood on the ground terrified me. For the first time, I thought I was going to lose you. When Madeleine came, I was so worried. Though I wanted to hold my daughter, I couldn’t let you go. When all was well, we held her together. Distress turned to beauty and it was as if the whole world stopped. Pushing against your face, I knew I was falling faster and faster all over again.

 

Our love is a weightless breathless plummet that only has swiftened with the birth of each of our children. Being with you is the great privilege of my life. From a different angle, I know that Jeff, Phillip, Quinley, Lucas and Madeleine would say the same.  We love you.

 

Amen.

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