Apostasy: God, Guns and Sutherland

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In the beginning, God created guns.

God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule with guns.”


So God created humanity with guns in their hands.


It was not long before humans started killing each other.


In their depravity, humans roamed the earth prepared to shoot.


Protection and murder became synonymous.


In the day of Abraham, he took a gun and dealt with his domestic violence issues.


In the day of Joseph, he took a gun and slaughtered his brothers for their betrayal.


In the day of Moses, he took a gun and killed everyone who questioned him.


In the day of Samson, he took a gun and massacred hundreds in a church.


In the day of Solomon, he took a gun and kept all of his women in line.


In the day of Ruth, she took a gun and killed Naomi, when she tried to leave her.


In the day of Esther, she took a gun and murdered her way to the top.


In the day of Job, he took a gun and killed himself.


In the day of Jonah, he took a gun and killed everything in Ninevah.



The gun is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

The gun makes me feel safe.

I walk with a gun on my hip.

Guns restore my soul.

I walk in the path of guns.

When I am afraid, I kill people.

My gun is everything to me.

I am prepared to shoot my enemies.

I keep buying guns.

My gun case fills up.

When I have a gun, I am perfect.

I will dwell with my gun forever.



In the beginning was the gun, the gun was with God and the gun was God.


Jesus never let go of his gun.


Once Jesus realized that anybody would convert at the end of a gun, he started to win a great many converts.


Jesus controlled the disciples with his gun.


Everyone was scared of Jesus and his gun.


For God so loved us…that he gave us guns…that whosoever believes in guns shall not perish but have everlasting life.


Surely, you will know the gun and the gun will set you free.


When the authorities finally came after him, Jesus had killed hundreds and injured hundreds more.


The gun was his God.


Those who live by the gun will die by the gun.


Go unto all the word and convert people with a gun on your hip.


When the Ethiopian eunuch saw the gun on Phillip’s hip, he quickly asked where he could be baptized.


Paul was imprisoned for threatening people with his gun.


Guns speak every language.

Without one, you are a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.

If you have everything and do not have a gun, you are nothing.

Guns take care of everything.

Guns never fail.

Guns are perfect.

Everything else is not.

Everyone should carry a gun.

We have been given the revelation.

There is nothing greater than guns.


More guns are coming quickly.


Come, more guns.


The grace of the gun be with you all.





Does this interaction with scripture sound fucked up to you?


It is.


But…this is how we live in our country.


Our worship of guns is why 26 people were killed this morning at the First Baptist Church of Sutherland, Texas.


If we don’t want this to happen again, we need to realign our worship.



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